Michael Chertoff Has Lost His Mind

Says that Europe 'Poses Key Threat to the U.S.'

Full-time Count Olaf impersonator Michael Chertoff, (who moonlights as the U.S. Homeland Security chief) has told the BBC there is "a real risk that Europe will become a platform for terrorists."

Mr Chertoff said it was likely security checks on travellers from Europe would be increased.

But he said steps would be taken to ensure travel and trade were not hit.

In the interview on the BBC's World News America, Mr Chertoff said he had seen "home-grown terrorism begin to rise in Europe".

He cited deadly bomb attacks on Madrid and London, and a terror alert affecting UK-US flights in August 2006, as well as "people travelling from South Asia and the Middle East into Europe and carrying out attacks there".

You see, right there - if you blink you might miss it. Incontrovertible proof that Chertoff has taken up permanent residence in Flip City. Mad as a monkey on a trike. A few clowns short of a circus act. Nuttier than squirrel poo. Although to his credit he didn't go off on a rant about how the French were trying to kill us with the trans fats in McDonald French Fries or even using the cholesterol in those delicious soft cheeses as a weapon. And he didn't accuse the British of terrorism just because they talk funny, at least not publicly. Well, at least not while being interviewed by the BBC.

No, the proof comes in this statement about "a terror alert affecting UK-US flights in August 2006." Because we all know that that is just plain bullshit. Anybody who remembers that story knows that the terror alert was caused by the precipitous arrest of a 'terror cell' who 1) had no materials with which one could plausibly make a bomb 2) were not trying to acquire any such materials 3) had not so much as contemplated buying an airline ticket to the U.S. and 4) didn't even have passports, nor had they applied for them. And pretty much anybody who has two firing synapses can tell you that this story came out on the eve of the mid-term elections in the U.S., and was designed to frighten people into voting Republican.

Einstein said that the definition of insanity was when you did the same thing (in this case fear-mongering) over and over again expecting a different result. One metric that psychiatrists use is the degree of disassociation from reality, but that's a job requirement in the reality challenged Bush administration. Those are certainly red flags, but the compelling diagnostic factor here is simple: Chertoff believes his own bullshit. A word of advice, Mike (can I call you Mike? It's rhymes with Monkey on a trike.) You can shovel bullshit, recycle it, fertilize your imaginary rooftop garden with it, but you should never believe it yourself.

That's just crazy.

Maybe you should just stick with the Count Olaf gig. You're a natural at that. But I should warn you, I'm pretty sure that Count Olaf is European.

Doesn't that just drive you nuts?

TAGS: Michael Chertoff, Count Olaf, Fear-Mongering, Delicious Soft Cheeses